Brutal Honesty

The brutal truth of my life is that I have gained weight. Ten pounds to be exact. Which is the same ten pounds that took me about five mths to lose. Five (hard) months of work down the drain. You may say, oh it's just ten pounds, you'll lose it. But add that ten to the 30 that I still have to take off my overburdened body and it's a bit like trying to climb Mt. Everest in a blizzard. I'm trying really hard not to do what I always do and throw my hands in the air and eat some more baked goods. I'm trying to get back on the road to health by doing what I know is healthy and right. Eat better, put down the goddamned cupcakes, and get moving. I have a backpack of excuses that I'm carrying. School, kids, life, well excuses are bullshit and I need to stop making them. I look at women I admire and watch them have all the same 'excuses' and then go workout. I did it last spring and made it work, so why did I backtrack so miserably?

The short answer is I let myself fall back into bad habits. Sugar is the biggest issue I have. I don't want to say I'm addicted to it because if it didn't exist anymore I would be fine. That does not an addict make, but I do have a very hard time resisting it. The holidays do me in, EVERY year. I go great guns from Jan to mid summer, and then bam, the fall and winter come along and it's a free for all at the buffet table. I hate to deny myself. Hate it with a passion because if I do, it just makes it that much worse. So I try to limit what I have, one cup of ice cream instead of a bowl, 2, ok 3, cookies instead of the entire package.

I'm disappointed in myself but am trying to just move past and move on. I write about this because I need it written down where I can read it over and continuously remind myself that this is an ongoing battle that I need stay prepared for.