and then the Higher power (whoever they are) laughed and laughed...

So a couple of posts ago I said life was vanilla....rolling along all smooth-like and nice.

Yeah. I just ensured that for at least the next year, life will be anything BUT vanilla.

We got orders. Luckily, we got orders stateside to Illinois. Unluckily, we have to be separated because I am staying here to finish out my last year of Dental Hygiene school. As much as I want to just quit, and go with him, I can't. That would be stupid. I've spent 3 years and a lot of money to get this degree. Further, we have decided that he will take the kids with him. His Mom, who is a Saint, will move temporarily to help him care for them. I feel pretty strong right now. Like I can handle this. I know that the grief will come as soon as I have to come back here alone. But for now, I'm going to focus on finishing this semester, soaking up my children and trying to sell our house.

brother + sister= buds for life

First there was this. Just sitting silently side by side waiting for the Easter Bunny to come out from underneath the pine tree.

Then they did this. I know.

I know....

And then, they started to play with each others hair. And playing led to pulling. And the pulling led to poking.

And then they turned around and smiled and reminded me why my house is still childproofed....sorta.

I like vanilla....

Life is rolling along on a nice even path right now. It's, almost, a little boring, a bit vanilla in nature if you will. We are still busy with school and work, and socially packed weekends, but there doesn't seem to be this frenzied panic that permeated the early part of this year. I finished a big project that was due for school a week or two ago and I think that has contributed to my new found calm demeanor. I fully expect that to cease as the semester starts to come to a close and other papers, and projects show themselves on my to do list.

I am thoroughly enjoying our clinic sessions at school right now. I have completed 6 patients to date, and with each completed appointment I feel such a sense of joy and satisfaction. My patients leave with gleaming, clean, white smiles, and (hopefully) some new oral health knowledge to help keep them that way. I have had 4 patients tell me that not only were our sessions a great learning experience for them, but that they are actively utilizing the knowledge that I'm imparting to them. This truly made me smile. Educating people on oral health is a big part of what being a Dental Hygienist is all about. Cleaning a person's teeth and then just handing them off to the dentist without discussing how to stay in a state of health does that person a disservice. But what also does them a disservice is to nag them to floss and make them feel bad about not doing it. I try to strike a balance with how I approach people and I try to come up with solutions that they can live with. I do not want to be "that" hygienist.

I really, really, really enjoy what I do. I honestly look forward to these classes every week! I know that not every patient will be compliant, nor will they all show and be happy to be there. But hopefully I can be a calming influence on them while they are in my chair. I work pretty hard to be even keel and to listen to them and any concerns they have. The more relaxed someone is while there, the more likely they are to listen to me and what I have to say.

I have one more month left in this semester and then we switch gears to summer and two relatively difficult classes. Pharmacology and Local Anesthesia. Needless to say I'm not taking any extra classes from this point out as Fall semester promises to be challenging as well. I love what I do, and despite all the detail stuff we are dealing with in class, the basis of this profession continues to fulfill me.

Brutal Honesty

The brutal truth of my life is that I have gained weight. Ten pounds to be exact. Which is the same ten pounds that took me about five mths to lose. Five (hard) months of work down the drain. You may say, oh it's just ten pounds, you'll lose it. But add that ten to the 30 that I still have to take off my overburdened body and it's a bit like trying to climb Mt. Everest in a blizzard. I'm trying really hard not to do what I always do and throw my hands in the air and eat some more baked goods. I'm trying to get back on the road to health by doing what I know is healthy and right. Eat better, put down the goddamned cupcakes, and get moving. I have a backpack of excuses that I'm carrying. School, kids, life, well excuses are bullshit and I need to stop making them. I look at women I admire and watch them have all the same 'excuses' and then go workout. I did it last spring and made it work, so why did I backtrack so miserably?

The short answer is I let myself fall back into bad habits. Sugar is the biggest issue I have. I don't want to say I'm addicted to it because if it didn't exist anymore I would be fine. That does not an addict make, but I do have a very hard time resisting it. The holidays do me in, EVERY year. I go great guns from Jan to mid summer, and then bam, the fall and winter come along and it's a free for all at the buffet table. I hate to deny myself. Hate it with a passion because if I do, it just makes it that much worse. So I try to limit what I have, one cup of ice cream instead of a bowl, 2, ok 3, cookies instead of the entire package.

I'm disappointed in myself but am trying to just move past and move on. I write about this because I need it written down where I can read it over and continuously remind myself that this is an ongoing battle that I need stay prepared for.

Marriage and the City....

My husband is awesome. No, really, he is. He did what most men don't do, and listened to me. Nay, HEARD me, when I mentioned that I would love to go back to the city and see a show on broadway. I was surprised with this on my birthday (which was this past weekend, I'm 33, cool!) when he arranged for the kid's to be watched by my mother in law and took me to NYC to see South Pacific and stay for an overnight. We had Indian food (my fav!) and then saw the show, which was wonderful! He also further spoiled me rotten by encouraging me to shop a little. (!!!) So I did. And it was glorious. I won't even mention what I purchased because its kind of inconsequential really, but I never shop in the city, because, well, it's expensive and I can just get the same stuff in Jersey for less money, blah, blah, blah...but I shopped and I had fun.

This whole weekend reminded me when people remark that marriage is a roller coaster. I so agree with this statement because since he and I have been married, it's been one very long, very twisty and turny kind of roller coaster. It's been non-stop actually. We've had our lows, our midpoints and our highs. Weekends, like we just had, are inarguably our high points. This brings me to my point which is, no matter what I may think of him or us during the low points, I don't ever think of us not being us. Not being together. We truly are a team, and I just hope that as time goes on, we keep having lots of highs, maybe some midpoints, but very little lows....

Giving kids a smile...

A couple of weeks ago, our school hosted the annual Give Kids a Smile event. This is a day when children who do not, have not, or can not see a dentist or a hygienist on a regular basis, get to have their teeth cleaned and examined by the aforementioned professionals for free. Dentists, Hygienists, and Assistants volunteer their time, supplies and love to help children in need. As students we accompanied the kids to the various stations, managed the various supplies, organized the various Dental professionals, and generally acted as gophers for all involved. It was complete and utter organized chaos.

It was one of the most emotional days I've had in a long time. Good and bad. We saw 150 kids in the span of 6 hours. Most of these kids had to have at least one tooth extracted. Most of these kids have never seen a dentist before, and most of these kids had to have cavities filled in more than one tooth. We had two cases of children with full heads of lice (I'm talking JUMPING FROM THEIR HAIR cases of lice). We had kids who upon seeing the dental chair and the ladies wearing masks freak out so badly they had to be held down in order to just calm them down. We had kids who after getting the tooth that was causing them extreme pain, thank the dentist who took it out. We had one child, (one of the ones who freaked out) show off his fillings and extraction sites proudly with a smile because he calmed down long enough to get his teeth fixed.

I cried silently most of the day and thanked god my goggles and mask could hide my emotions. I still tear up thinking about how many children go without seeing a dentist routinely let alone when they truly need one. I also get angry. Angry at parents who neglect their children to the extent that their head lice goes unchecked(!?!!) to the point that there are actual bugs crawling in their hair. I get angry at the parents who don't educate themselves on feeding their children healthy foods and then fail to teach them good oral health skills. But aside from the anger and the sadness I feel, I'm thankful that there are truly good and honest dental professionals out there who come in to an organized day of chaos and just help.

It wasn't just a day of service....it was truly a day of learning. I learned so much from watching, so much from helping and so much from just being there. I look forward to next year's event, and the following years event, when as a Registered Dental Hygienist, I will return to my alma mater to donate my services and help.

I have a confession.....

I am a bag whore. Totally, completely, utterly. I see handbags, totebags, clutches, even wallets and I want, no, need them. Forget clothes, or shoes. Bags are my thing. I don't know why. I don't understand it and I try not to put us into bankruptcy over it. But I was bad today. I bought my first real Coach bag. It's so ridiculous. I really wanted to wait until I had graduated and I wanted to buy it with my first official paycheck, but I didn't wait. Instead, I impulsively purchased the bag I didn't think existed. A black and brown tote.

You see I like to match. I am what you would call a "preppie." If I wear black shoes, then I carry a black bag. I like to wear cable knit sweaters, pearls and loafers with jeans. So I wanted a bag that would do double duty. For the past couple of years I have been looking for a Coach bag with both black and brown on it and for whatever reason could never find one. I didn't want to start an expensive habit of collecting Coach bags just because, so I stuck to Vera Bradley. Which, to be completely honest, the amount of money I've spent on all the Vera I've bought would probably have gotten me a really nice Coach bag a long time ago, but I digress. My hygiene girls (I'll tell you about them another time as they are a post unto themselves) talked me into going to the outlet today. And there it was. The impossible black and brown tote. It was marked down. AND 50% off with another 20% off the total. It was a sign. I bought the bag, and a little card holder, and a keychain, and thankfully my girls talked me down from the big patent leather blue wallet I was holding.

So I have a Coach purse. I wish I could say I wasn't shallow and it doesn't really bring me joy....but dammit, it does. It's so pretty and chic, and I feel like a grown-up. I know that's silly. The rational, mature, non-material side of me is disgusted right now. But the silly, impulsive, immature side was in control today and I couldn't deny her....

I think with my first official paycheck I will buy some Yankees tickets for my husband....